Sexy Food Talk: Some Culinary Pickup Lines

Sexy Food Talk: Some Culinary Pickup Lines

Let’s face it: Restaurants, food shops, and markets present tremendous opportunities for the mingling of the sexes. While you’re at the butcher checking out rib eyes, a lovely young lady or a handsome young man may catch your eye. Attraction can be elusive, but if you’re prepared with an appropriate pickup line, you might just find your match. Try these epicurean lines, which pair beautifully with their gastronomic environs. Cheese Shop “Are you into affinage? Because I’d really like to check out your cheese cave.” Butcher shop “Hey, you look like you’re in serious need of some tube steak.” Japanese Market “Is that your friend over there? Shiso fine.” Delicatessen “This pastrami is hot. And so are you.” Middle Eastern Restaurant “Try the fattoush. It’s amazing. Well, almost as amazing as yours.” Foraging Expedition “If you really want to get wild, I’ve got some ramps and morels back at my apartment.” Bagel Shop “I’m not into everything bagels. I only want you.” Supermarket “Get outta my dreams. Get into my cart.”* Pastry Shop “The way you pronounce macaron is so wrong, I don’t want to be right.” Cupcake Shop “I have to tell you, you have a fantastic body, even if you have a buttercream face.” Sushi Bar “Miso horny.” Chocolate Shop “Wow. This chocolate is orgasmic. And so am I.” Coffee Shop “Normally, I buy whole-bean coffee, but I’d rather grind with you.” Bar “I like my martinis stirred, not shaken. Just like my clitoris.” Ramen Shop “Do you mind if I slurp your noodle?” Fast-Food Chain “Guess what? That’s not the only thing that’s supersized right now.” Chinese Restaurant “I noticed you ordered the General Tso’s Chicken, because I have a Major Hard-On for you.” Indian Restaurant “Oh, don’t eat that. It’s not raita. I just can’t control myself around you.” Spanish Restaurant “You should take your shirt off. I’m pretty sure this is a ‘topless’ restaurant, not a tapas restaurant.” French Restaurant “I noticed you ordered the foie gras terrine in aspic. I think we could really gel together.” Ice Cream Shop “Nice scoops.” Vegan Restaurant “Soy vey, your ass is tremendous.” Bakery “I can’t decide between the ficelle or the baguette. How big do you like it?” Farmers Market “You’ve got some really nice melons. Are they heirloom?” Italian Restaurant “I like my women like I like my olive oil: extra-virgin.” Frozen-Yogurt Shop “May I taste your Pinkberry?” Vietnamese Restaurant “I don’t know what’s hotter, you or this Sriracha.” Pizzeria “Make that a large with pepperoni delivered to … your apartment.” Wine Shop “Are you into Stelvin closures? Because I totally want to screw you.” Fish-monger “Is that a geoduck clam in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” Cookware Shop Hey, I noticed you were looking at the crock pots. Think of me as a human slow cooker. I can go for hours, baby.” Tea Shop “I usually drink loose tea, but I’m always down for some teabagging.” Fried-Chicken Joint “Those breasts look delicious. And the chicken doesn’t look bad, either.” *Apologies to R&B singer Billy Ocean.

—From Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC



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